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Want To Be A Movie Star? Register Today for GIAMA’s “Screen Icon Search” Competition. 4 Weeks Left

By Jaguda | on July 26, 2012 | 33 Comments
Ghollywood Movies Nollywood


So yes you want to be movie star? How can you go about it? Well here’s a good way to start. The Golden Icons Academy Awards’ Screen Icon Search – a competition organised by Golden Icons that’ll help one lucky individual become a big screen actor or actress.

3 renowned African movie makers including Emem Isong from Nigeria, Frank Rajah Arase from Ghana and Nollywood/USA producer Pascal Atuma will analyze selected individuals on Friday 19th October 2012 to pick the winner.

The Award ceremony is on October 20, 2012.

Upon reading the criteria below, proceed to http://goldenicons.com/awards/registration and fill out the registration form.

Eligibility Criteria:

(1) You must be at least 18 years of age.

(2) You must complete the registration form below.

Note: Only registered members will be allowed to participate, and the Registration period is from June 1 until September 30, 2012 – This is limited to the first 150 eligible registered entries.

(3) This a FREE competition, however, participants are required to purchase a VIP ticket and attend the GIAMA Awards scheduled for October 20, 2012, where the winner will be revealed.

(4) You must be able to travel in and out of the United States, with a valid U.S. visa, if needed. In addition, the Winner must be able to obtain a Nigerian or Ghanaian visa, if needed.

Perks:

(1) The WINNER will feature in a MOVIE PRODUCTION with Emem Isong in Nigeria, Frank Rajah in Ghana, and Pascal Atuma in the United States.

(2) The WINNER will get a FREE One-Way ticket to Nigeria, solely to feature in the movie production as mentioned above.

(3) The WINNER will present an Award at the 2012 GIAMA Awards ceremony.

(4) The WINNER will receive an Exclusive Interview and Photoshoot with Golden Icons Media.

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Tags: golden iconsnollywoodscreen icon search

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Comments

Comments

Adebayo Monsurat Adetutut July 27, 2012 at 12:50 am
Have really wanted to be an actress

Reply

popoola boluwatife deborah July 27, 2012 at 2:32 am
I really want to be a part of this. Its gonna be fun

Reply

Elizabeth Darko September 25, 2012 at 3:51 am
I really like to be one off this…maybe it’s too late but I wish,and I really wish to make my dream come true pleasssssssse am living in United Kingdom If its not going to be a problem.Thank you

Reply

Anyiam michael October 17, 2012 at 7:10 pm
I am Anyiam michael, i want be a movie star

Reply

Tracy December 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Huh….

Reply

henry mbah January 27, 2013 at 5:24 pm
i want to be s movie nollywood movie ster

Reply

henry mbah January 27, 2013 at 5:25 pm
i want to be a nollyeood movie ster

Reply

stanley iyke akachukwu February 1, 2013 at 7:09 pm
After ♍Ɣ​ schl I began A̶̲̥̅̊ cAr dealer .but I wnt †̥ work into ♍Ɣ​ destiny,pls super stars manager. Pls ♈ø̲̣̣̥u guys shuld help ♍ƺ out pls

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sal February 3, 2013 at 3:05 am
no comment

Reply

olatokunbo February 18, 2013 at 11:02 am
i want to be a nollywood movie star…

Reply

cynthia March 25, 2013 at 1:25 am
i really want to be an actress

Reply

Julia Bodnarova April 18, 2013 at 8:05 am
i like to became a movie star because i am good at play

Reply

Foram Shah April 28, 2013 at 3:13 pm
i want to become a bollywood actress

Reply

Precious Barry April 30, 2013 at 3:52 am
Am a talented type, i love acting, i want to be a nollywood actor.

Reply

Ugonna ndumworo April 30, 2013 at 5:18 am
Am really want to become a star

Reply

CHIWETALU AGU PRODUCTIONS May 4, 2013 at 1:26 am
Hello, we are currently in need of upcoming stars to shoot a movie in our industry. If you are interested to join us, simply send register me with your name and location to the E-mail below: chiwetaluaguproductions@gmail.com

Reply

Ellis May 5, 2013 at 1:00 pm
My name is Bright, i realy ve d passion 4 acting but i dont know how 2 go about it, i can act very well any role u want me 2 play i can play it just as u want it plez all i need is ur help 4 me 2 achieve my dreams plz sir/ here re my contacts email:ellisozamoney@outlook.com

Reply

Ebeke ugochukwu June 5, 2013 at 10:17 am
I may nt be upto 18 but i want what it takes to become a nollywood actor.

Reply

Ebeke ugochukwu June 5, 2013 at 10:19 am
I may nt be upto 18 but i want what it takes to become a nollywood actor. My number is 08134355532 my mummy is 07062553777

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patrick mbatumukeke June 17, 2013 at 6:31 am
I wnt to be a movie star if u see me uv seen mr ibu unto comedies 08169620446

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daniella July 24, 2013 at 5:59 am
hi
just wanna make my dreams come true but unfortunately i am a french speaking cameroonian who speaks, writes and understands english perfectly. presently i am in my country cameroon and wanna be one of the nollywood stars

Reply

michael July 26, 2013 at 6:34 am
Good time of dramatic outset has come act movie become a movie star and show yourself to the world that reigns have fans show your talent to the world get the form and register the form is for a low rate and once you are a member accommodation is free for three months so parent can sponsor there children in the nigeria movie industry all is needed graduate or no graduate but at least for j s s 3 result and your primary 6 certificate if you this requested result there is nothing stopping you to act drama once you have registered we teach you how to act for two months with free accommodation and each month ending you will be paid so hurry now and get the form call the manager mr michael call +2347038972691 or +2347056105308

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Glen-Gregory Kumengu October 30, 2013 at 6:55 am
hey good morning my name is Glen i really want to take part but i am a Namibian is it possible an if so how do i get started ,? call me on this mobile :(+264817659682)

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Gift September 17, 2013 at 12:02 pm
http://www.facebook.com

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dat legacy October 4, 2013 at 7:30 am
I want to become a movie actor, but no one to help me. Please i need assistance to help in making a new change in nollywood.
Name: Soba Nwachukwu.
Sex: Male.
Location: Anambra state.
Phone: 08167817031.
Email: datlegacy@yahoo.com
You can also search me on google with my name SOBA NWACHUKWU to see me. Am a nigga and i have swagg. I can act well. Thank you for your patronage.

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Do you want to become an actor or actress in the Nigeria Movie Industry. Nollywood, and you know you are very talented then contact +2348167749385 or email me(billynumbers@gmail.com for assistance

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This is the time you have been waiting for. do you want to be a actor or actress in life here is the opportunity in life to achieve that dream okay. VIA ;youngstarproductions@outlook.com
i am Ramsey Stanley if you are interested to be actor or actress get back to me so you will be told what to do so you can be registered to be an actress or a actor okay.

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mr magic November 14, 2013 at 5:31 pm
I am by name Mr Magic, a producer in the Holly wood industry, if you have a talent of becoming an actor or an actress and you have not see the urpotunity of becoming one of them, this is the chance for you to get that dream you have been dreamin for, kindly contact us now so that we can assist you out for you to achieve your dream in been one of the actor or an actress in the movie industry, contact us now on +2348070945420 if you are in nigeria call: 08070945420 or email us now on: hollywood.industry0@gmail.com

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Emark production presents actors/actress sign up
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Metal Casing, Mental Illness and Masturbation

The image is taken from the psychiatry section of the Science and Society picture library and depicts a male anti-masturbation device from the late 19th / early 20th century, and, believe it or not, was considered an effective way of preventing insanity.

Masturbation was long linked to madness in both folk and professional medicine and this belief lasted, even among professionals, until the early 1900s.

It was thought a particular mental health risk in children, as illustrated by this excerpt from a 1988 article on the development of child psychiatry in 19th century Britain.

William Acton, trained in surgery and venereal diseases, published The functions and disorders of the reproductive organs, in youth, in adult age and in advanced life in 1857. It gained immediate popularity and went through six editions in 18 years, despite it’s many discrepancies, premature conclusions and emotional prejudices (Marcus, 1966).

Typical of most authors of the time, Acton on the one hand postulates that normal childhood is essentially asexual, on the other describes over many pages the many sexual disorders of childhood — a conflict that is never resolved. Again, without further explanation, a causal connection between masturbation and a whole array of consequences is drawn: the boy would become haggard, thin, antisocial, hypochondriacal, would lose his spontaneity and cheerfulness and would turn into a timid coward and liar. The final state was one of idiocy, epilepsy, paralysis and even death.

These prejudices were considered valid scientific facts, so that the Scottish psychiatrist David Skae even created the term “masturbatory insanity” ‚Äî a separate nosological disease caused exclusively by masturbation, with characteristic features (Skae, 1874). This term was taken up by Henry Maudsley (1868); the 1879 edition of Pathology of mind included a chapter devoted to the insanity of masturbation (Maudsley, 1879), which was later changed to insanity and masturbation (Maudsley, 1895).

I’ll save you the gory details, but these beliefs led to supposed ‘treatments’ and ‘preventative measures’ that stretched from devices like the one pictured, to what would now be considered brutal genital mutilation of both boys and girls.

If you think that these were fringe beliefs, it’s worth remembering that Henry Maudsley was otherwise considered the greatest psychiatrist of his generation.

Man eluded airport security for 24 hours

By BRIAN HAYES / Court Reporter

Joan with the Angel

A man with no identification and no money spent nearly 24 hours in an off-limits area of the Halifax International Airport before being arrested, a Dartmouth provincial court heard Monday.

Federal Crown attorney James Martin said Vlad Sandulescu, a Canadian citizen of Romanian descent, scaled a fence Wednesday night and gained entry to the terminal through an unlocked door.

Mr. Martin said the 29-year-old man spent the night hidden above the ceiling tile of a washroom.

The next day, he said, Mr. Sandulescu tried to board at least three planes without a boarding pass or ticket. One flight was headed to Frankfurt, Germany, a second to New York and the third to Boston.

RCMP arrested Mr. Sandulescu about 8:30 p.m. Thursday after being told by airport security that workers had refused to allow a man without a boarding pass to enter the departure lounge and get on the flight to Boston.

The lounge is a secure area, where only ticket-holding travellers and airport workers are allowed.

Police charged Mr. Sandulescu under the Aeronautics Act with being in an unauthorized area of the airport and under the Criminal Code with violating a probation order to keep the peace.

In February, he was sentenced in a Newfoundland court to 90 days in jail for theft and possession of stolen goods and credit cards. He was also placed on probation for one year.

Mr. Sandulescu, who was scheduled for a bail hearing Monday, instead pleaded guilty to the two charges.

Judge Alanna Murphy sentenced him to six months’ probation for trespassing at the airport and 22 days in jail for breaching his probation.

Noting that Mr. Sandulescu had served four days in custody on remand, she double-credited that time as eight days served.

The probation order required him to keep the peace, banned him from possessing weapons and ordered him to notify the court of any change in address.

Mr. Sandulescu was also barred from being within 100 metres of any airport in Canada unless he has a ticket.

On Friday, the RCMP had considered charging Mr. Sandulescu with a weapons offence when a small exacto knife was found in his belongings after his arrest. But after determining that the man had not intended to use the knife as a weapon, police didn’t lay the charge.

In court on Monday, Mr. Sandulescu had on the same outfit he was wearing at his arraignment on Friday – jeans and a black T-shirt emblazoned in white with the words Scent To Bed.

Speaking English, he told the court in a barely audible voice that he never meant to harm anyone.

Joan with the Angel and His Friend

His lawyer, Luke Cragg, said Mr. Sandulescu has lived in Canada for 14 years, mostly near Montreal and Hamilton, Ont., and has earned his living as a freelance graphic artist.

Outside the courtroom, Mr. Martin said he hasn’t been able to confirm reports that Mr. Sandulescu had tried the same thing at other Canadian airports.

He said the only statement his client gave to police was that if released, “he would continue to try to leave the country, because he had no money and wanted to leave the country.”

For travellers, Thursday’s incident was little more than an inconvenience.

After police took Mr. Sandulescu away, security staff cleared the departure lounge of 80 people waiting to board the three flights.

Police searched the lounge while security staff screened those people for a second time. The three flights were delayed briefly.

Airport officials are continuing their investigation into the incident but didn’t return calls Monday on the progress of the probe.

Stolen Passports Becoming Hot Black Market Item

It is not uncommon for countless of lost or stolen citizenship cards and passports to find their way onto the black market. The various identification pieces can be sold for very high prices and used to commit identity theft.

Canadian passports are hot sellers on the black market since Canada benefits from visa-free access to several countries. This means that Canadian citizens can by-pass the visa requirements upon entering specific countries, making Canadian ID pieces more valuable and sought after.

In fact, back in 2003 four men were arrested in New York on charges that they were selling fake Canadian passports to Pakistanis who were living illegally in the States.

Three months ago, police from 42 Division responded to a breaking-and-entering at a house on Upper Rouge Trail in Scarborough. Items that were stolen were two citizenship cards, a safe containing a quantity of jewelry, and a passport.

Numerous residents in the predominantly South Asian neighbourhood were surprised at the news, as they described having a close-knit community and being close to their neighbours.

Back in 2005, CTV reported that Toronto Police had dismantled an operation trafficking fake ID pieces, such as passports and citizenship cards. Most of the pieces of ID belonged to people from the South Asian community, mostly from Sri Lanka.

The fraudsters were able to create fake ID pieces that resembled the ones they stole – so much so that is was difficult to tell the fake ones apart from the real ones.

In 2003, CBC reported that a Canadian passport could sell for up to $1,000 on the black market. However, many postings on the Internet claim that the price can actually go as high as $ 10,000.

The Internet, being the unregulated venue that it is, is tantamount to a new and ‘virtual black market’ that enables people to exchange information on how and where they can acquire fake passports. Some even openly advertise the sale of the highly sensitive documents, offering a variety of options in terms of nationalities. A few daring ones have even provided their email addresses on forums, asking that those interested in purchasing passports may contact them to discuss the matter privately.

While being prudent is a sound piece of advice to guard against the theft of a passport, it may not always be enough.

”Once [a passport] has been reported lost or stolen, it is no longer valid and is not to be used for any travel,” a posting on Passport Canada’s website states. “This is to ensure that it is not used for fraudulent purposes.”

Therefore, in the case that you do lose your passport or have it stolen, you should notify the police and Passport Canada immediately. The agency states that delays are to be expected when getting the replacement identification piece, since Canadian authorities need to conduct an investigation into the situation surrounding the loss or theft of the passport.

To report a lost or stolen passport, you can call Passport Canada toll-free at 1-800-567-6868, or visit their website at http://www.passportcanada.gc.ca/.

This Is a List of Notable Cases of Police Brutality in Canada.

List of cases of police brutality in Canada
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is a list of notable cases of police brutality in Canada.

1919: in the face of major unrest during the Winnipeg General Strike, the Royal Northwest Mounted Police charged on horseback into a crowd of strikers on June 21, beating them with clubs and firing weapons.[1] This violent action resulted in many injuries and the deaths of two strikers. The day came to be known as “Bloody Saturday”.[2]
1931: the Estevan Riot, also known as the Black Tuesday Riot, was a confrontation between the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and striking coal miners at Estevan, Saskatchewan. The RCMP confronted and attempted to break up a procession of several hundred miners and their families. Violence broke out and the police opened fire on the strikers, killing three of them and wounding many others.
1935: when the On-to-Ottawa Trek, a protest by unemployed men, reached Regina, Saskatchewan, they were charged by police, who fired revolvers and threw tear gas bombs into groups of people. A plain clothes policeman was killed, and a Trekker died in hospital from injuries sustained in the riot.
1976: an officer of the Saskatoon Police Service was disciplined for taking an aboriginal woman to the outskirts of the city and abandoning her there.[3] This later appeared to be part of a pattern of “starlight tours” causing a series of deaths of native people, known as the Saskatoon freezing deaths. In 2001 two officers involved in this practice were convicted of unlawful confinement and sentenced to eight months in prison.[4]
1999: an RCMP constable in Alberta fatally shot Darren Varley after being attacked inside a police cell. The constable was convicted of manslaughter.
2007: Robert Dziekański, a Polish immigrant, was taken into police custody and died after being tasered a total of five times by a group of four RCMP officers. Police were heavily criticized for their handling of the incident, and the incident revived debate concerning police use of tasers in Canada.[5]
In 2009, a team of two police detectives got into a fight with members of the Khan family in Toronto. They brought an action against the family for assault, but the judge acquitted the Khans in 2013, stating that the officers had used excessive force and fabricated evidence.[6]
2010: mass protests at the G-20 Toronto summit turned violent on June 26 when some demonstrators, used black bloc tactics, leading to widespread property damage. Tear gas was used for the first time in the history of Toronto,[7] being deployed in a few locations by muzzle blasts. Rubber bullets and pepper spray were also used against many protesters.[8][9] Three protestors were confirmed by the Toronto EMS to be injured during the protests,[10] and journalists were among the people who were beaten.[11][12] Const. Babak Andalib-Goortani, the Toronto police officer accused of using excessive force during the arrest of G20 protester Adam Nobody, has been convicted of assault with a weapon for his role.[13]

When Your Boyfriend Says ” I Love You”

When your boyfriend says ” I love you”
Elena Soare
7 reviews
When your boyfriend says

You’ve probably heard by your circle of friends a question like “can not sleep every night with her , I can not marry her , I can take care of it, but love – that’s something else .” Men do not like to talk about love . That’s because I do not know what to say . Of course there feel in their soul . But do not be surprised if they do not want their feelings as women .

Why do not happen to us that most men woo us to come and tell us how they feel ? We know that love can make us seem vulnerable , sometimes behave childishly . Of course men express their feelings of love and each in his own way . Actually love is always something for them. This implies that women need to know what kind of partner goes and what love means to him. If you’re a little upset you did not once say those two magic words , see you unless you told them , but you have not understood :

One . Easy to say ” I love you”
In fact these two words is an important step for some men . That’s because it is much more than simply expressing feelings . For some it is a covenant for life, and for others to fight the threat .
When I say ” I love you” feel like taking their life in their hands and offer girlfriend .

Maybe that’s why they seem so scary . Usually to do this step should have full confidence in girlfriend , to be sure she will cherish love .
Hence the fear of rejection , which is quite painful for a man – and it seems that ” love ” can be an invitation to suffering .

For others ” love ” is a covenant , a promise of what’s to come . Simply want to say they want to be there, to give back and support it. Others say the two magic words as if trying to say ” I go ” or ” I will always be faithful .”

Things frightening for some men . I feel like saying these words are a promise , a promise that if breached will cause suffering in their lives. And they do not want to break their promises to women. Many hope to be able to stay near loved and give her everything she wants . In conclusion, will be happy with them and for them, and of course they feel the same.

Two . Always be with you
There are many kinds of gifts that you can make a man . The most common are boxes of candy, flowers , and congratulations . But there are some that a woman may not even suspect it . For example, some men consider leisure time spent with you a gift. When you spend more time with you than with family or friends means he loves you. They chose to be with you .

What the Paper Says

8 Decemember ’98
Top news in this week’s Warwick Boar is the abysmal lack of publicity for the last batch of union elections. A boar hack explained:
“Apart from the adverts in the boar and the word, polling times posters, word election special, hustings, candidate posters and publicity, boar elections pullout, manifestos booklet and referendum book, six polling stations in prominent places around campus, huge posters, sabbaticals in animal suits, balloon releases, town criers, and regular newsflashes on national radio and TV, there was no indication that there were any elections going on at all,” he said, while sporting this season’s fashionable ‘white cane and guide dog’-look.
In closely related news, the Boar was shocked and ashamed to discover that many students don’t know who runs the union, or what they do, apart from Jo Scaife, whom 90% of students identified as “that dizzy blonde who tries to get herself in the boar at every possibly opportunity.” While only 10% of students could name the vice-chancellor as Sir Brian Follett, this is because many of them confused him with Sir Bertie Bassett, the cartoon character made out of liquorice allsorts.
The boar ended its damning report on student ignorance of who is running the union and lack of publicity for elections by not revealing who was elected in last week’s polling.

But all of this idle chatter pales into insignificance when compared to this week’s scandal, that MTV has been replaced by news in the library coffee bar.
One finalist moaned “This has taken away the freedom of choice and imposed boring, predictable news which repeats every hour. We demand boring, predictable MTV which repeats every hour instead!”
However, it seems that a compromise solution may be possible in the form of CNMTV, a new digital channel which caters for the minority audience who want to hear the news presented in the form of reworked 80’s pop songs. Here, by way of illustration, is CNMTV’s reporting of the Pinochet affair, set to the tune of Madonna’s ‘Holiday’:

(Pinochet! Extradite!)
(Pinochet! Extradite!)

If we punish Pinochet
Lock him up, incarcerate
For the rest of his life
It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word
We’re gonna have an extradition!
All across the world
From every nation
He must endure some bad times,
To make up for the tortures, oh yeah.
Even though he is not well-a
Lock him up in prison cell-a
And punish Pinochet!

If we punish Pinochet
Lock him up, incarcerate
For the rest of his life
It would be, it would be so nice

etc.

Students were quite literally surprised last week, when the bus stops were moved around the corner a bit, according to the Warwick Boar. A man who has been standing near the their new locations for the last year for the purpose of one crap gag commented “It’s always the same – you wait ages for a bus stop, then two come along at once”.

The Warwick boar this wek reports on the biggest threat to humanity ever faced – the millennium bug. The bug is a small insect which infects computers, and eats their memory. This means that when the year changes from 1999 to 2000, computers will think that it is 1900, with disasterous effects: Queen Victoria will be back on the throne, cloth caps will be back in fashion, and the computers which causes this mess won’t be invented for another eighty years.
Already the effects of the bug are being noticed, with computer-produced newsppaers like the boar being infiltrated with tedious features about the millennium, even though it’s over a year away. But people are not taking this lying down: apparently Peter Mandelson has been consorting with a group of de-millennium buggers to ensure that his dome is not penetrated by the bug.

I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray, but this week’s boar reports a dramatic advance in ents – you can now buy tickets for next term’s events at the end of this term. What will they think of next? Our reccommendation has to be Quench, featuring Radio One’s ‘Dangerous’ Dave Pearce. Tickets are a pricey ten quid each, but buy a pair in advance, and you can save one whole penny, so you can party like it’s nineteen-ninety-nine!
1 December ’98
Top news in this week’s Warwick Boar is that the University may act if the Student Union steps outside the law. This shocking revelation was accompanied by more, including that the Union will receive no profits from the Costcutter supermarket, which has nothing to do with the Union. The intrepid Boar reporter enquired about how much freedom the union had to organise entertainments (or “ents” as they are quaintly known). While agreeing that conceivably this might be allowed, the University spokesparty said this would be subject to approval, explaining rhetorically “but what if you wanted bull fighting?”
UWBFOBSS, the University of Warwick Bull Fighting and Other Blood Sports Society reacted angrily to this statement. “We are a legitimate Union society, how dare he pick on us like this,” squeaked president Terry Moustetrap. “As it happens, we were planning our first full union event. We reckon that the marketplace would make a fantastic bull ring, and spectators could watch from the balcony, so it would all be quite safe.”
This also scuppers the society’s plans to sell the carcus of the dead bull in a charity auction in the Cooler. Jo Scaife commented “We don’t want the cooler turning into a meat-market. Unless it’s for Top Banana”

The Warwick Boar this week reports further anger over the Westwood dining scheme, which students complain is overpriced and offers a poor range of food. The scheme, whereby Radio 1 rap DJ Tim Westwood provides meals and snacks for the residents of the accommodation named in honour of him, has come under attack from those taking part.
“There are hundreds of us, and only one of him, and he simply can’t keep up with the demand” moaned one student, “And there’s no chance of getting any breakfast at weekends, because he’s tired from doing his radio 1 show the night before.”
A university spokesmouth literally leapt to the DJ’s defence: “Timothy is a very successful young man, and we like to encourage our staff to maintain outside interests, such as hosting regular national radio programmes. We do not believe that this affects his ability to make sandwiches.”
A third year historian was less understanding. “It makes no sense for someone with a blossoming career on national radio to be running the catering scheme. Why doesn’t the university get someone like Kevin Greening to do it? He must have a load of free time since he was kicked off the breakfast show.”

More radio related news in this week’s Warwick Boar, and apparently factually entitled W963 is changing its name to RAW, and no one seems in the least bit bothered about it. Before the news was leaked by the Boar, station DJs were under strict instructions: “Don’t mention the RAW”. In fact, there is some dissent within W963, as it will no longer be, with some members murmuring “RAW – what is it good for? Absolutely nothing”. They dismiss the idea for the image change as being half-baked, especially the plans to employ World War II propagandist Lord Haw-Haw to present a programme where he and a group of old prostitutes and war veterans stop by student residences and look around. It will be called “Lord Haw-Haw’s Sore Whores and War Bores pause for more tours of your floors”

It’s elections time, according to the Warwick Boar, and heavy reporting restrictions apply, so we can’t tell you what we think of the candidates while polling is going on at this very minute. The election propaganda is accompanied by a snappy new slogan: “u vote – u decide”. Traditionally, we have been encouraged to decide *before* we vote, but if they want us to do it the other way round, who are we to argue?

Hackwatch this week focuses on the Boar, and the increasingly incestuous relationship between the old and new editorial team. This week an editorial goes to special lengths to praise ex-deputy editor Jon Stubbs who, despite having retired, still manages to get about half a dozen articles in. Ugh – all this cliquery is making me sick.
24 November ’98
Top news in this week’s Warwick Boar is that there exists a User’s Charter which details students’ rights, but that no one seems to actually have a copy. In fearless investigative journalism style, we trotted over to Senate house, and asked whether students could get a copy.
“Yes, the charter is freely available on request” replied the literally faceless university representative.
Well, could we have a copy, we asked.
“What’s the magic word?” came the reply.
Please? we suggested.
“No, you don’t understand. The charter is freely available to anyone who knows what the secret password is.” she explained We asked where we could find what the secret password was.
“That’s simple: it’s in the University User’s Charter, which is freely available on request.” she trilled back.
Changing tack, we pointed out that surely we had a right to know what was in the charter.
“Of course: it’s all laid down in writing.” Sensing that we knew the answer already, we asked where we could find details of what we had a right to know.
“That’s simple: it’s in the University User’s Charter, which is freely available on request.”
We asked if there was any other way of getting hold of the charter, and were surprised to be told that it was also freely available on the internet.
So we traipsed off to CSV to look on the world wide wire. After an hour in front of the monitor, we had managed to log on. Another hour later, and despite searching the entire Warwick website, we could find no sign of the charter online anywhere. Once more we returned to the enquiries desk of the Senate house, and demanded to know where the website was.
“Oh, it’s cetainly all there on the internet,” we were told. “It’s just not in one place. We took the charter, broked it down into the individual words, and placed them randomly around the university site and the rest of the internet. But it’s all there, if you know where to look.”
Leaving the infuriating receptionist in a bloody pulp on the floor, we tried another approach, and started looking for someone who had read the charter and could tell us what was in it. There were many literally dead ends: one ex-union hack who had read it had been tragically killed in a horrific accident involving a poisoned umbrella while waiting for the bus to Leam; Jo Scaife claimed to have read a copy, but it turned out that she was talking about “Peter and Jane have fun in the park”. Finally, we tracked down Derek Shayler, a turncoat member of the University, who is living in France and has just beaten off an extradition order from the University authorities.
“The user’s charter is just that”, he explained, “it’s a guide to how to use the university. It tells you how to appeal against exam results, how to get your free ale ration, how to get into the white pyramid thingy outside the arts centre, and where all the secret passages are. Of course they don’t want that kind of information falling into the hands of the students – for one thing, it contains the instructions for the university’s strategic nuclear defence weapons. Would you trust an eighteen year old mathematician with that kind of power?”
He then promised to tell us where he had hidden a copy of the charter, and went to the window to open the curtains and let some more light in. As he did so, a shot rang out, and he fell to the floor. His last words were “It’s buried under the… uh… uh…” But then he died, and so once more the University’s terrifying secrets are safe – for the time being.

This week’s Warwick Boar reports on the radical and exciting proposals from the environment committee. A successful experiment in recycling took place during environment week, or “What environmental awareness week?”, to give it its full title. Despite accusations of being slow to achieve anything, the committee pointed out that the experiment took place barely a decade after scientists discovered “the environment”, and invented recycling to solve the problems it caused.
To persuade the university to take up recycling, one member proposed dumping a load of rubbish on the senate house, but the committee eventually decided on the marginally less radical tack of writing a letter to the authorities. This approach is clearly working: on receiving the letter from a bunch of students telling it what to do, the university immediately recycled it.

There was a vital report in the Warwick Boar this week on the dangers of Carbon Monoxide poisoning from faulty gas appliances. It listed the symptoms as “headaches, sleepiness and general lethargy.” On reading this, three hundred English students immediately checked into the health centre with suspected carbon monoxide poisoning.
[boom-boom]

An article in this week’s warwick boar noted the relatively low turn out at a london march against tuition fees organised by the Socialist Working Student Society, or “hardcore commie nutters” as they are known for short. The reporters wondered if students didn’t attend because they were secretly in favour of tuition fees.
I talked to some second and third years who confirmed this. “It’s true, I really want to pay fees,” said one, “but they won’t accept my money, saying that I don’t have to pay because I’m not a first year. So each October, a group of us get together, each carrying a thousand pounds that we have worked all summer to earn, and we burn it. That should show them how strongly we support tuition fees.”

Order of the brown nose this week is awarded to a theatre reviewer who normally reviews the sporting fixtures, who in a very positive review of a production of Reservoir Dogs singles out Arif Haq for praise.
Coincidentally, Mr Haq is the new deputy editor of the warwick boar, the paper in which the review appeared.

Last week, the warwick boar reports, the water supply to the whole campus was cut off, in direct contravention of government proposals to outlaw this practice. University press officer and rent-a-gob, Peter Dunn, described accusations of incompetence as “complete bollocks”. We don’t have anything funny to say about this, but we’re not normally allowed to swear on the radio, but we can get away with it if we are quoting someone else. Meanwhile, the shortarse formerly known as Prince commented “You Sexy Motherf-” [cut to record]

17 November ’98
Given top billing in this week’s Warwick boar is a shocking story of gross negligence on the part of the authorities. It was revelad exclusively by the Boar that the Guardian/NUS student newspaper awards conspicuously failed to recognise that the Boar is the best newspaper in Britain. Despite not winning the award, none of the nominees left the ceremony empty handed, and the boar team returned home with a large bunch of sour grapes.
Although the judges praised the Boar’s elegant and sophisticated design, which consists of words arranged in columns on the pages, they crudely and illogically gave the award to the newspaper which they liked the most. Deputy editor Jon Simmonds attacked the judges: “How dare they let themselves be swayed by such subjective considerations when objectively the Boar is the best. Only last week it was unanimously voted ‘Best Student Newspaper at Warwick’ by a panel of its editors, and we know what we are talking about.”
He went on to accuse the judges of encouraging ‘dumbing down’ in the student media, adding “if you don’t know what dumbing down is, it’s when complicated ideas are simplified or ignored, on the assumption that the readers are stupid. If you want to know more, check out our ‘idiot’s guide to dumbing down’ from two weeks ago.”
He also accuses the winning paper of using tabloid-style tactics to achieve cheap popularity which, Jon Simmonds assures us, the Boar would never sink to.

Menawhile, turning to page seven of the Warwick Boar, the author of the popular ‘Mysterons’ column is revealed to be deupty editor Jon Simmonds. In his final column he recounts a badly disguised urban myth about a woman who strips naked and smears herself in pet food.
From next week, Mysterons will be replaced by a new showbiz gossip column called “Bizarre!” and a semi-naked page seven student.

Putting such tabloid puerility aside, the Warwick Boar this week reports that a food fight has broken out between the Union and the University. The two superpowers are engaged in a cold salad-bar war over who can open the most eateries.
“It’s an all out battle.” explained General-in-chief Jo Scaife from a top secret union bun- making factory. “They opened ‘Eat’, so we retaliated with ‘Harvey’s Too’. Then they responded with Kaleidoscope – that really had us reeling, but we hit right back with South Central. I think we’ve got them on the run now.”
This may not be the case for long though – already the University has a new sandwich bar under construction, with two banqueting halls to follow. These new venues, along with Rootes, Harvey’s, Airfare, Harvey’s As Well, Cafe Shana na-na-na-na-na, Shana na-na-na-na-na-na [think ‘What do you want from me?’ by Monaco], Another Harvey’s, South Central, Now – That’s what I call Harvey’s!, Costcutter, The Best Harvey’s in the World – Ever!, Lazer Lizard and the rest brings the total number of food outlets on campus to just over three hundred.
When will this buffet madness end? Jo Scaife is defiant: “We will not rest until there is a specialty venue for every man, woman and child prodigy on campus,” she spat in anger.
A rumour that the next union food store will be called Jo’S cafe in honour of their supremo has not yet been denied, because we only just made it up.

The Warwick Boar this week makes us aware of the awareness weeks currently competing for our attention. Next week is LesBiGay awareness week, which intends to make students aware that Gay and Bisexual people really do exist and that, despite a media conspiracy of silence, they can be found in all walks of life, from politicians to members of parliament. Meanwhile, last week was green awareness week, to remind us that some people are so naive (or ‘green’) that they believe awareness weeks actually achieve anything.

Looking at sport now, and this week’s crossword tips are
1 Across – Spanner
2 Down – American (it’s an anagram)
6 Down – Taco
and 29 Across – allergy. Tricky one, that.
Get your completed grids in by Friday lunchtime.

In other sport… some other sport happend. That’s all we’ve got time for I’m afraid.
10 November 98
Turning to the Warwick Boar, I see that the main story this week is that the authorities aren’t happy with pissed students smashing bar glasses against the wall. Apparently having broken glass lying about the place is a health hazard. Thank goodness we’ve got the wonderfully named Responsible Drinking Committee to tell us this. This obscure committee, which no one knew existed till last week, operates in secrecy, but we have managed to get hold of a copy of the minutes of the last meeting:

TOP SECRET UNIVERSITY MINUTES OF THE RESPONSIBLE DRINKING COMMITTEE

1. Apologies
Jim Rushdon apologised that he would not be drinking tonight but he was
driving home. The committee agreed that this was very responsible of him.

2. First Round
The secretary enquired what everyone was having. The Vice Chancellor
asked for a pint of shandy, the hospitality services manager requested a
half of lager, and the senior registrar asked for a glass wine. Jo Scaife
had a pint of Kronenberg with a double whisky chaser.

3. Vote of thanks
The VC then proposed a vote of thanks to the secretary for getting the
drinks in. The committee sipped delicately and responsibly at their
drinks without rushing them, in appreciation.

4. Any other business
Jo Scaife put in a proposal for another round, but when put to a vote this
was defeated, with “I think we’ve had enough” being quoted as the reason.
The meeting then concluded with everyone congratulating each other on how
responsible they had been.

However, on the letters page there’s a letter explaining that blood donation sessions can’t be held on campus this term since all the rooms have been booked up by Management Consultancy firms on the milkround. Clearly the university is only prepared to deal with one bunch of bloodsuckers at a time. But there is a simple solution to this problem: All the blood donation service have to do is hang around the union until someone slips and lacerates a major artery on the broken glass, then dive in and collect a pint of blood in an unbroken glass. And if they can’t find any unbroken glasses left, I’m sure they could always borrow a milk bottle off the milkround people.

Meanwhile, in this week’s Warwick Boar, we read in the Mysterons diary, written by the inexplicably pseudonymed Caramel Xerxes, that Cambridge paper Arsity has been taking a pop at Warwick. To be fair, Mysterons deserves all the flack it’s given, after printing the myth about the student who’s thrown out of a ground floor window as if it actually happened. That story’s been doing the rounds for years and Mysterons is a gullible fool for wasting space reprinting it.

Perhaps the real reason for the Cambridge animosity is the recently published Times league table of the top ten universities that were attended by Times reporters where Cambridge came first to Warwick’s seventh. Which is understandable when you read the small print and see that one of the criteria they were rated on is the number of firsts awarded. So Cambridge decides to award more firsts and so rises to the top of this weeks’ league table? Sounds perfectly fair to me.

The Warwick Boar this week included what’s possibly the biggest news story of the year so far: there was a real fire on campus. Alert students covered the fire with a fire blanket, then set off the fire alarm. Which begs the question: why the hell hadn’t the smoke detectors detected the fire already? Since the detectors seem to be triggered by anything from slightly charred toast to breathing hard in the direction of the sensor, it’s interesting to discover that one thing that is guaranteed not to set the alarm off is the prescence of an actual fire. Well, we can all burn safely in our beds tonight knowing that.

And finally, it seems that some people are finding the crossword in the Boar, the student newspaper of Warwick University, a little bit too easy. So to make it more of a challenge, the hard working production staff are deliberately omitting the word lengths, cocking up the typing of the clues, and numbering the grid in a way which has no relation to the actual location of the words. It’s still a piece of piss though.

I Can’t Stand You. Accepting people for who They Are

Everybody can be described as weird or strange in some way. You know who I am talking about. Everyone has that wierd neighbor who you can’t figure out, or that strange relative that seems to make bad decisions, or the co-worker that says some of the strangest things, or that kid in school who has few social skills. When you picture these people in your mind, how do you feel toward them? Do you enjoy knowing them by letting them be who they are? Or, do you get frustrated or even angry because of the person they are? You may avoid them so that you don’t have to deal with their strangeness.

I am not providing any advice here as someone who has mastered this. There are people in my life today who I can’t figure out. But I keep reminding myself that I don’t need to figure them out? What would happen if I just accepted them for who they are?

Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons

A person I have known for a number of years seems to rub other people the wrong way. I see people avoid this person, share their frustrations about this person to other people, and even assume things about this person that no one knows is true (and probably isn’t true).

Even if this person “deserves” it (when I say deserves I mean they are rude, mean to people, are self centered, don’t care about you, etc.), why do I waste my energy avoiding, being frustrated, or spreading rumors? I’ll blog in another post why I think people do this, but the point here is to stop wasting your time and energy. Accept them for who they are.

Even if they are weird, make bad decisions, say strange things, or don’t have social skills. Accept them for who they are.

For some of you who know me, I could very easily be that person in your life. I am not going to change who I am. As Popeye would say, “I yam what I yam”. As I mentioned before, I think being weird is a thing to aspire to.

Questions to ask to determine if you are wasting your time and energy:

Does my frustration cause any change in the person?
Do bad decisions made by this person have any effect on me?
If this person says something embarrasing, what difference does it make? Really?
Does lack of social skills really get in the way of having a relationship with this person?
Am I really any better than this person? Maybe in their eyes I am just as weird.
Can my friendship with this person help them, help me, or help both of us? (the answer is probably yes)

You may find a surprising friendship.

“Is it weird in here, or is it just me?” – Steven Wright

Who are you avoiding unnecessarily? When have you just accepted someone strange for being who they are?